First and Last......

It was around 9.00 pm last night when Hanna was getting ready to bed. “Hanna do you remember papa?” . She replied, “Yes I do when we went to Jakarta with papa”. Hanif travelled a lot not only domestically but also internationally.  Kids are eager to join but school and tuition classes will always be the reasons why they couldn’t and I have to be with them.

 It was different this time. Hanif insisted me to follow him. It was truly hectic and restless for him. Earlier was Kota Kinabalu (KK), the next day to Australia for a week and the very same day we travelled .(The cab sent him home in the morning from Australia and sent us back to KLIA in the afternoon to Jakarta). It was after sixteen years that I last took an international flight and of course first time for Hanna. Both of us were too excited when we were brought to the Plaza Premium Lounge located at the Satellite Building while waiting for our departure.

 Variety of food and beverages were served, Hanna enjoyed her ice cream.

We stayed for 3 nights in JW Marriott Jakarta and flew back to Kuala Lumpur on Friday (6^th July 2012). 

 With bulk of chocolates from the duty free shops, we headed home.

 

 

Along the way, Hanif said “I have always wanted to bring you and the kids, so from now on you will follow me wherever I go okay. Next trip will be to the States (tentatively end September) and then we shall bring all of them to KK end of this year, and In Sha Allah to Perth next year. Syakira also needs a trip back home to her kampung".

To my surprise I received a BBM last two days from someone to Hanif (I still keep arwah’s Blackberry and continue using it). Apparently, it was from his friend from KK. She was shocked to hear about Hanif and informed me about his plan to bring us there.  I thought that was why she called to confirm.

The kids were so eager and excited when papa informed them about his plans especially four of them since they were left behind.

We remembered all his promises and have always wanted to follow him but we only plan and Allah decides. I never thought Jakarta was the first and the last international flight for the family.  Five days later he left us forever...........

To my children, if Allah wills it, mama will try to make papa’s dream come true.............

You went so soon.......

Everytime i close my eyes I see you in front of me
I still can hear your voice calling out my name

You went so soon , you left so soon...
(lyrics from Maher Zain)

Listening to Maher Zain's song reminds me of him. Very little time was spent with us. His passion and dedication towards work and carreer always took his time away from the family. Once I claimed that he was even busier than the minister. To my surprise he shared my grievance with his superior and collegues when they quoted to me in the hospital.

He said to me one day , "Please give me another three years, and I will settle down". It was a relief to hear such a promising confession from him. Nevertheless, Allah knows best. Few months later he passed away and his workplace witnessed his demise, but not us........He went off to work that morning and never returned. Seeing him in the morning getting ready to the office but ended up losing him forever in the evening was like a dream. It was very painful to accept. 

The crowd of people, relatives, friends, representatives from various associations and students who attended that day proved it all.  The beautiful arrangement of flowers, letters of condolesence, phone calls and messages made me realised why he was so much occupied......

Today it begins.....

I would like to share my stories to those who wish to read my blog. Its about life which is full with joy, happiness, sorrow and grievances and will continue until the day of our demise.

Its common to hear the phrase "life starts at fourty".  I never agree with that before but recently I changed my mind. When we lead our lives in a normal momentum, we tend to ignore and not appreciating what we have until it disappears.

The date, 11th July 2012 has totally changed my life and my five kids. The sudden phone call received that afternoon was a real tsunami to my family. It was fated and no one could ever changed that. The phone conversation made me to think of the worst either stroke or being paralysed.........I tried to accept the fate.  Nevertheless, I was wrong when the second call explained everything. Hanif has gone forever living me behind with our five children....I never thought the kids will grow up without papa. I never dream he will leave so soon.

Today has been seventy four days since Hanif left us. Time flies very fast but right now I am feeling as though it happened  yesterday.  I cant deny the feeling of pain and agony when Hanna (the youngest and closest to arwah) questioning why papa has to sleep that early. At one time I heard her complaining to  her sister Syakira (the eldest) about papa breaking his promise. May I quote what she said " Papa cakap aje nak balik cepat hari tu dekat Hanna tapi dia tak balik pun, terus meninggal".... Such a sincere statement was really painful to hear. It hurts me and breaks my heart.  I know the fact that we have to believe in fate, no denial about that. Nevertheless, when it really happened to me, I need to be very strong to accept it.

That is why I thought and agree that life starts at fourty. This afternoon when Encik Azhar, our neighbour passed by, he even said to me that my life has changed, totally....

It was fated and for the sake of our five children life has to go on.........