You went so soon.......

Everytime i close my eyes I see you in front of me
I still can hear your voice calling out my name

You went so soon , you left so soon...
(lyrics from Maher Zain)

Listening to Maher Zain's song reminds me of him. Very little time was spent with us. His passion and dedication towards work and carreer always took his time away from the family. Once I claimed that he was even busier than the minister. To my surprise he shared my grievance with his superior and collegues when they quoted to me in the hospital.

He said to me one day , "Please give me another three years, and I will settle down". It was a relief to hear such a promising confession from him. Nevertheless, Allah knows best. Few months later he passed away and his workplace witnessed his demise, but not us........He went off to work that morning and never returned. Seeing him in the morning getting ready to the office but ended up losing him forever in the evening was like a dream. It was very painful to accept. 

The crowd of people, relatives, friends, representatives from various associations and students who attended that day proved it all.  The beautiful arrangement of flowers, letters of condolesence, phone calls and messages made me realised why he was so much occupied......

Today it begins.....

I would like to share my stories to those who wish to read my blog. Its about life which is full with joy, happiness, sorrow and grievances and will continue until the day of our demise.

Its common to hear the phrase "life starts at fourty".  I never agree with that before but recently I changed my mind. When we lead our lives in a normal momentum, we tend to ignore and not appreciating what we have until it disappears.

The date, 11th July 2012 has totally changed my life and my five kids. The sudden phone call received that afternoon was a real tsunami to my family. It was fated and no one could ever changed that. The phone conversation made me to think of the worst either stroke or being paralysed.........I tried to accept the fate.  Nevertheless, I was wrong when the second call explained everything. Hanif has gone forever living me behind with our five children....I never thought the kids will grow up without papa. I never dream he will leave so soon.

Today has been seventy four days since Hanif left us. Time flies very fast but right now I am feeling as though it happened  yesterday.  I cant deny the feeling of pain and agony when Hanna (the youngest and closest to arwah) questioning why papa has to sleep that early. At one time I heard her complaining to  her sister Syakira (the eldest) about papa breaking his promise. May I quote what she said " Papa cakap aje nak balik cepat hari tu dekat Hanna tapi dia tak balik pun, terus meninggal".... Such a sincere statement was really painful to hear. It hurts me and breaks my heart.  I know the fact that we have to believe in fate, no denial about that. Nevertheless, when it really happened to me, I need to be very strong to accept it.

That is why I thought and agree that life starts at fourty. This afternoon when Encik Azhar, our neighbour passed by, he even said to me that my life has changed, totally....

It was fated and for the sake of our five children life has to go on.........